Mrs. ___________ was a wonderful Teacher , and a very sweet person , but as delighted as I was that she had safely given birth to her boys , I could not help but worry about how the rest of Kindergarten was going to play out for Boo. The first four days after the Babies arrival , she hung in there fairly well. We made it to school on time (or within 10 minutes of the bell, so not just DREADFULLY late ) and I was there like clockwork at 3pm to get her and take her home . It was on the 5th day, that all Hell broke loose. As I went around the side of the the van to open the sliding door , Boo unbuckled and climbed into the back seat . I opened the hatchback and tried to reach throughand grab her, but my short arms were no help , she deftly dodged my attempts. At last I climbed my fat ass into the back of the van and caught her , and bad back be damned, began dragging her out. I threw her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started walking toward the front door of the Kindergarten , only setting her down when we arrived just inside at the rather lengthy line for tardy slips.
It was at this point , after placing her feet on the ground , that she decided to rebel. As quick as she could, Boo made a bee line for the door , I grabbed her around the waist and tried in vain to pry her white knuckles off the handle. Suddenly , she was grabbed by a strange pair of hands that began dragging her away from me , it was her principal. She began shrieking and crying with all her might , her little arms outstretched towards me , her face contorted in terror . " Put her down " I managed through the tears that were now overflowing across my face . She ran to me and latched onto my body like a terrified koala desperately clinging to the last tree in the forest. I sat down on the bench outside the principals office, and began wiping the tears off the little bundle in my lap.
In a gesture that was more of a peace offering, Mr. __________ extended his hand , with a kleenex. When we had composed ourselves, Boo and I made our way to his desk, and sat down. I was more than a little surprised to learn that he was completely unaware of My husbands passing, or the amount of school Boo had missed on account of this. I explained that we had both been traumatized enough, and that ripping her out of my arms was more than either of us could bear. We were there for about an hour , during which time I made inquiries about counseling and so on, and Mr. ___________ suggested a half day I.E.P , temporarily of course , until she felt better able to handle full days. Starting that Monday , I dropped her at the usual time , and my darling OCD child was right there to chide me if I arrived even 5 minutes after lunch began . I strove with all my might to be consistent, to be her rock , even though I hadn't slept a night through since we lost Bob, and my mind was a never-ending spiral of worry . The half days worked very well for the first week, although Boo was more than a little distressed that the Substitutes were not following Mrs.______'s lesson plan, OR the regular order of how things were done when Mrs._______ was there. For a child for whom routine and consistency are everything , I can not begin to explain how distressing this was . The following Monday Mr.________ decided it was time to increase her day by adding lunch and recess. The morning after , Boo locked herself inside the guest bathroom and announced that she was going to kill herself , so that she could go to heaven with Bob. It was a punch in the gut, and I was terrified. Once My friend Larry managed to get the door open , I called her Doctor crying , asking " what do I do ?" Who could anticipate a suicide threat from a six year old ?
The Doctor referred us to an emergency counselor , and it was determined that she did not really understand what it meant to die , or what it would take to follow through on her threat . The counselor said that Boo was just feeling the biggest and most loaded feelings she had ever felt , and that was the best way she could express just how upset she was. I called the school and let them know what was going on , Mr. _______ gave her a few days leeway before we would again attempt to bring her in for a half day again. Everyone had learned the hard way that there was only so much change my little six year old could stand , and she was at her limit. It wasn't two days later , we were driving down the road and she unbuckled her seat belt and began moving maniacally around the back of the van . I explained that she needed to sit down and buckle up before she caused a wreck that would kill us both. " Good " she said, " then we can be with Bob." She said it as matter-of-factly as if she had just announced a trip to the grocery store. I pulled over , and instructed her to hand me her car-seat, which I placed in the front passenger seat ( Bob's seat) I sat her down and buckled her up, disengaged the passenger side air-bag and continued on my way home. Shaken , But determined.
The following weeks were a dizzying carousel of Counselors, Therapists, Psychiatrists, Psyhcologists and so on. I remember thanking God she had Sooner care ( Medicaid for Oklahoma children) To pay for it , even when we were arriving to their offices on fumes , eating stale teddy grams and warm tap water in the parking lot , and digging through the change in the cup holder in the hopes of getting her a vending machine granola bar to tide her over until we could get home. The psychiatrist gave her an order for hydroxizine , as needed , to calm her down when she became enraged . She was already on melatonin for sleep ( which she had been steadily refusing for weeks, so neither one of us were getting any at this point ) and the strawberry flavored , chewable melatonin was going over as well as a turd in a punch bowl these days , so I was not optimistic that a non-chewable pill that tastes like chemical ass was going to be compatible with her gag-reflex.
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